Black Hole News
Because people suck

Flashy MySpace Photos Lead To Theft Arrests

By MIKE WELLS The Tampa Tribune
Nov 22, 2006

APOLLO BEACH - Showing a bit of bling-bling on their MySpace pages got two Hillsborough County brothers pegged as burglary suspects after an Internet surfer spotted them showing off what looked like his mother's jewelry, investigators said.

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PETA Mistakenly Targets Alaska Church

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- The pastor at Anchorage First Free Methodist Church was mystified. Why was the activist group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals chastising him? No animals are harmed in the church's holiday nativity display. In fact, animals aren't used at all.

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Anti-Gun Mayor Pleads Guilty to Firearms Charges

By Nathan Burchfiel
CNSNews.com Staff Writer
November 22, 2006

(CNSNews.com) - A Mississippi mayor has pleaded guilty to misdemeanor weapons charges after carrying a handgun on church and school property, and a gun rights group thinks now would be a good time for him to step down from Mayors Against Illegal Guns (MAIG).


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Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

The following questions and answers were actually
collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in
2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too
hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are
elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male
gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward
to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
(E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three
parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a
characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so
they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Roadblock Devices

These things look like accidents waiting to happen. Obviously this is some European country and they must have a problem with idiots driving in bus lanes, but really, who didn't see this coming?

College Student Blows It

This guy goes down in history as the only person to get the first question wrong on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? Seriously, those first five questions are gimmes. I guess the coffee didn't help him much.

Cool Space Stuff

The astronauts decided to see what it would be like if they broke a water balloon in zero gravity. Pretty cool.

Black Hole NewsBecause People Suck

Woman Leaves Toddler Strapped in. Man Steals Car With Child Inside

A woman leaves her toddler in her running car when she goes into the store. Dude comes out, sees running car - crime of opportunity and takes the car. Now he's got the crime of kidnapping added to grand theft auto. Yeah, he's a scumbag and a moron, but you know what? So's that mother.

As tired as I am of seeing lazy people get out of their cars, leave them running (Woot! Free car!), and run into a store, I'm even more tired of lazy mothers leaving their children strapped into said running vehicles so they can go get a friggin lottery ticket or a pack of smokes. And the police aren't going to charge her? It's a damn felony to leave your kid unattended in a vehicle.

Abducted Girl's Family Speaks Out As Police Question Woman, WRAL

Fun With Terrorists

Apparently this guy got off of a plane in Detroit after flying in from Amsterdam with over $60,000 in his suitcase and a laptop with a bunch of information on cyanide and other nasty stuff. Apparently he had spent four months in Nigeria on unspecified business. Yeah, I'm sure he was there teaching children to read.

Detroit Free Press

Britney and K-Fed Remove Each Other From Their Myspace Friends lists

I almost hate perpetuating this crap, but it's just too funny.

celebslap.com

Black Hole News
Because people suck

Yet another illustration of irony in action.

Woman gets arrested, police put her in the back of their cruiser. While there she shoots herself with a gun she had managed to conceal from the cops. The irony comes into play when the police charge her further with having a concealed weapon and for the crack pipe they didn't find in the intial search. Even more ironic is the fact that this was written up on a police website.

Officer.com

Family Guy Live

I love Family Guy and MadTV. Now they're both together and the result is of course, hilarious.

K-Fed Gets Pw3nd via txt

Kevin Federline was taping a segment for Much on Demand, when apparently he got the news that he was being dumped by Britney via a cell phone text message. He becomes clearly upset and asks for taping to stop and excuses himself.

Now, I think the guy's a complete tool and has very little talent, but you gotta feel for the guy getting hit that way. If it was Britney sent him the text, that's a cold-hearted biatch there boy. Even if it wasn't, to hear it that way has gotta be rough.

Bunny Letter Opener

Ya know, there are a lot of strange things coming out of Japan, and sometimes I wonder about their overall sanity over there. They seem to be rivalling Germany for screwed-up-ness, but this video is really pretty cute and not wacked at all.

Dove Evolution

This has been beat about by the media for a couple of weeks now, but it's still cool.

The spot is intended to highlight a supposedly important problem we have in our culture where ad agencies and companies and such can make people look unrealistically beautiful and that it's a bad thing to present to all us normal looking shlubs, because it makes us have unrealistic expectations about what WE should look like.

The only problem I have with this concept is that yeah, anyone with a cadre of makeup artists, photographers, lighting techs and a digital retouch house can look hot, but 90% of the people we look at in Hollywood and fashion mags and ads...ARE HOT! They are hot to begin with! So theyrequire very little touch-up. This video is an extreme example of how far the art of the touch-up can go, but the fact is that the people who do make it in the fashion and modeling business are already smoking.

That and the fact that the companies doing the ads and such are not going to waste time and money making average people look extraordinary when there is a ginormous pool of throwaway hotties to cull from for the next modelling opportunity.

That being said, it's still a cool video.

Bush Uses "The Google"

I know it's kinda like pitching slow to Arod, but you just can't help but rag on the guy for being dense. I mean, he's the President! He's the Decider! He should kinda know about stuff, ya know? So he can decide... and stuff

"Asian Reporter Tricia Takanawa Gets Tasered"

Well, it's certainly more fun to see a cop, especially our local sherriff, get tasered, watchign a reporter get it is pretty damn funny too. I can't imagine what makes them do this over and over and over again, other than the fact that people like me love to watch them get zapped over and over and over again.