The New World

So I'm watching the movie The New World, by Terence Mallick, to see if it's as bad as the reviews said it was. You gotta figure that it must have been pretty awful for it to have been in the theaters for what seemed only a week. After having endured the last Mallick abortion, Thin Red Line (probably the coolest title for the worst movie ever), I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised. It stinks.

Another indicator of its awfullness should have been the fact that the controversy surrounding the gross Colin Farrell's love scenes with the 14 year old Q'Orianka Kilcher did nothing at all to draw people in to see this bloated corpse of a movie.

It's a pretty bad day when your film is compared to a Disney animated movie and it loses. Though the Barbie-esque Pocahontas in Disney's version was ridiculously lithe and mature and the story sappier than Maine in maple season, Mallick's film is so horrible that it makes Disney's version look like Lawrence of Arabia.

Mallick should have followed his dream, which was obviously to be a wildlife photographer, because he spends 90% of his film panning across woodland groves or zooming his macro lens down to scope out grasshoppers and corn stalks. Or maybe he should simply be relegated to shooting stock footage because he can certainly shoot a gorgeous image of the sun through the trees or water flowing over a rock. It's dialogue and character development and plotline and story and pacing that he sucks so bad at. Good God this movie sucks. Learn to edit Terrence. Better yet, go back to being a grip. Windy naration does not a story make. Even Christian Bale can't save this piece of crap.